ALL ABOUT ABUSE

The Government define domestic abuse as:

“Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.
This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse:

• Psychological

• Physical

• Sexual

• Financial

• Emotional

Control & Coercion

The government defines controlling behaviour as:

"a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependant by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.”

Coercive behaviour is:

“an act or pattern of acts of assaults, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim”

You’ve already seen her today.

She smiled at the school gates, said hi to the other parents.
But “needed to get back” because she was being timed.
Too long out of sight results in repercussions.
None of them knew.

You’ve already seen her today.

She works in your office, knows everyone’s name.
The promotion she won last year to the management office was well deserved.
She laughs off questions about when she’ll get a new car befitting of her status,
for the earnings are not hers, at home she has control of nothing.

You’ve seen her already this week.

She worshipped alongside you last Sunday, and volunteered to serve coffee.
As you spoke about forgiveness, she prayed silently that God would kill,
would take revenge, would rescue her and make it stop.
Then she asked for forgiveness.

You’ve missed him already at play.

He booked the squash court for your game last night,
leant you his spare racquet and showed you mercy in the final game.
Getting changed, you mocked his bruises;
“Mrs beating you up is she?”

You’ve partied with her already this month.

At a meal with friends. Too many stories and too many drinks.
Too many tales of her foolishness and jokes at her expense.
She laughed it off and blamed it on the booze,
Then they left early…her being held close by her lover as he walked her out the door.

She protects her children. Their children.
She holds the boat steady so they are not dragged in. Dragged under.

She holds her head up high and knows that if she cracks, then she looses.
Again.
Looses her house, her home, the father of her kids, the grandpa to her grand-children, her money, family and community.
Nobody would believe her if she dared speak the truth, for he is too nice, too charming and kind.
Just not to her.
For she looses.

You’ve already seen her today. But you didn’t notice, because she held the pain so close it would not show, took another one for the team so the kids wouldn’t have to, fought for her health cos that’s all she’s got.

She’ll get (hopefully) to bedtime. Still here, ready to go again tomorrow.

She survived another day. Because

She’s a survivor.